Pinhole Movie Reviews

BASEketball by jaemskeray
December 14, 2014, 4:56 am
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One question for you: why did I watch this whole thing?  I mean this movie is obviously unwatchable.  It was not funny, poorly acted, about sports (which I generally don’t like), slow, the sport they invented makes no sense, full of very attractive women falling for weird looking men, Reel Big Fish,  theres this whole thing called psychouts where a player on one team stands in front of a player on the other team shooting a BASEketball into a hoop and insults the shooter, and what normally ends up happening is that the protagonists give such a solid insult, that the shooter makes a funny face, looses his balance and then falls over…  I don’t know.  But I watched the whole thing, over two nights.   The only possible explanation I can come up with is I like bad movies.  Unwatchable

Elizabethtown by Thomas
September 14, 2014, 11:26 pm
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Cameron Crowe made a string of charming Hollywood romances that I enjoy: specifically, Say Anything, Jerry Maguire, and Almost Famous.  With these movies, Crowe displayed a classic storytelling sensibility, a real joy for pop music/pop culture, and an ear for memorably off-beat dialogue — a bit like a later day John Hughes.

But all of those elements failed in Elizabethtown, a kind of unintentional farce about a jaded city guy meeting a bubbly country gal whilst he plans his dad’s funeral.  The movie is not aided by its rambling plot, unfunny jokes, confused supporting actors, or the perpetually blank smiles of Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst as they pantomime liking each other.  I hate this movie.  Unwatchable.



The Green Butchers / De grønne slagtere by tincolor

Butchers Mads Mikkelsen and Nikolaj Lie Kaas find unlikely success when they sell a batch of human meat labelled as chicken. The only problem is…let’s get real here for a second, there are a lot of problems with this situation, and don’t expect the film to address all of them or even the ones that you might think are most pressing, this just isn’t that kind of movie! Ultimately, it’s the story of how two deeply troubled men learn to deal with their problems, but its subject matter is so macabre that it’s impossible to think these characters have learned anything of true value during their rather twisted journey through the meat locker and back. An interesting setup but just not a very good movie. Barely watchable.


Monsoon Wedding by tincolor

Everyone in the family is excited for the wedding of Vasundhara Das and Pravin Dabas, but as this is a movie, expect practically everything that can possibly go to go wrong. Just like the film’s intricate wedding, It’s a minor miracle that this film is able to juggle so much and with such success. It explores multiple themes without feeling unfocused, it manages to make every subplot feel just as important as the main plot, and it gives the kind of weight and depth to its minor characters that is usually only reserved for a single protagonist. And as if that weren’t enough, director Mira Nair is able to take real and specific issues that Indian society faces today and make them feel universal without sacrificing the authenticity of her characters. Excellent direction, a great script and a cast that is able to bring it all together. Shefali Shah, a cousin of the bride is especially fantastic! Required Viewing.


Return to Me by William
August 21, 2014, 1:35 pm
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One year after David Duchovny’s wife dies in a car accident, he meets and falls in love with Minnie Driver, who just happens to have received a heart transplant one year earlier, from David Duchovny’s dead wife! I say “just happens” because this movie is not Chances Are. Minnie Driver doesn’t become David Duchovny’s dead wife. In fact, the heart transplant has no apparent effect on Minnie Driver’s personality or behavior. She just, you know, has someone else’s heart. Honestly, I don’t really see the point of the heart transplant as a central plot point if there is going to be no magical/mystical element.

Worth noting are some comic relief scenes featuring a group of charming oldsters, including Robert Loggia and Carroll O’Connor. Jim Belushi also has a few scenes to fill up the comic relief portion of the movie. Those scenes are pretty good, but mostly they just end up highlighting the mistake that was choosing David Duchovny and Minnie Driver, neither of whom have any comedic ability, as the leads in a romantic comedy. Watchable.


Burn After Reading by William
July 19, 2014, 4:17 pm
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CIA analyst John Malkovich’s classified files are discovered by dim-witted fitness studio employees Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, who soon hatch a plan to profit from their find. Then everything probably goes wrong, but I wouldn’t know because I stopped watching the movie.

You know what? I’ve decided it is okay to not like this kind of movie. I didn’t like Fargo, and I didn’t like the 40 minutes I watched of Burn After Reading, either. The Coen brothers specialize in making black comedies in which people are horrible to each other and plans go awry. I don’t like it. It upsets me and makes me nervous. Unwatchable. But hey, if you liked Fargo, go ahead and watch this movie. I won’t stop you.

Burn After Reading.jpg

In the Mood for Love (花樣年華) by William
June 7, 2014, 10:26 am
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A man and a woman wander lonely around Hong Kong in 1962. The movie is poignant, well-crafted, and beautifully shot. It’s also real boring. You could call it Lost in Translation for artsy types. Worth Checking Out.

In the Mood for Love movie.jpg

Love Me if You Dare (Jeux d’Enfants) by Thomas
June 6, 2014, 3:51 pm
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Julien and Sophie grow up playing games together, as the French title implies.  But when the two enter adulthood, their games blossom into an unconventional romance.  The various obstacles they face (ailing parents, doomed marriages, class conflict) fail to add depth to this saccharine sweet love story.  The movie is shot in a playful, impressionistic mode but ultimately it’s boring to watch two attractive people toy with each other while “Ma Vie en Rose” repeats in the background, even if one of them is Marion Cotillard.  Barely watchable.


Love Me if You Dare (Jeux d’Enfants)

Food, Inc. by jaemskeray
April 12, 2014, 4:21 am
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Food, Inc. is a documentary from Robert Kenner about how we get our food in the US.  The film shows that the corporate industrialization of our food manufacturing is a) bad for the environment, b) unhealthy for and exploiting the consumers, c) dangerous, unhealthy and abusive to the employees, and d) torturous to the animals we kill and eat.  But now that we have this information, 5 years after the movie came out, whats the fucking point?  The movie says we can vote with our grocery list and choose organic!   But, even the organic companies are having to adopt big industrial farms practices just to keep up with the industrial farms (Vegucated).  We could all become vegans, but thats literally not going to happen, not that I am not going to become vegan, maybe I will, but everyone isn’t going to become vegan.  Then, there’s the close relation between the corporate food companies and our politicians, the lack of education on proper nutrition, the economy making it hard for poor people to make healthy choices, and technology drawing the more fortunate away from a public discourse and into the comfort of our homes in front of our devices to write blog posts about the world’s injustices that do little but make ourselves feel better: shit.  So, what do you think? Worth Watching

Mr and Mrs Smith (2005) by William
March 3, 2014, 12:47 am
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are stuck in a boring marriage rut. They are also both secretly professional hit-people. Until one day…

A couple of funny scenes in this action-comedy, but mostly boring and unengaging. The action scenes fail to inspire, and the central relationship fails to convince. There also remains a HUGE unresolved plot thread at the end of the film. Barely watchable. Watch the far-superior True Lies instead.

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