Pinhole Movie Reviews


The Lobster by William
January 29, 2019, 1:51 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Colin Farrell is overweight and living in an absurdist dystopia. Maybe this movie is good if you like people being weird and saying absurd things, but for me it was Unwatchable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lobster

The Lobster (2015) poster.jpg

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The Call (2013) by jaemskeray
December 29, 2018, 6:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

This movie is dumb and bad.  The story follows the abduction of a 15 year old suburban white girl from the parking lot of a strip mall, and I feel like it as written by a 15 year old who was imagining what that experience would have been like.  Halie Berry is the 911 operator taking… the call, wait… thats the name of the movie… deep…  The characters lack any depth or backstory and it feels like that was intentionally done to make it like Speed or something similar.  Which means the entire thing rests on the actor’s performances which were pretty bad.   The abductor’s backstory is sloppily thrown together and stigmatizes the mentally ill.  Halie Berry’s character is particularly drawn to saving this 15 year old girl, and that drive is honestly never really explained, so it just seems fake and overacted.  The violence is gratuitous and unnecessary.  The ending is… horrible; they have an opportunity to bring an abductor to justice but instead they leave him tied up in his torture chamber?  What about all the other people he tortured?  Wouldn’t they like to see him brought to justice?  Shame Halie Berry.  Its a bad bad terrible stupid dumb movie thats bad.  Don’t watch it, in fact figure out the director and never watch any of his or her movies.

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Repo Man (1984) by William
September 12, 2015, 11:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

Repo-Man-Poster.jpg

Emilio Estevez is a repo man living in 80’s punk dystopia. So, I watched 15 minutes of this movie, then turned it off and read the summary on Wikipedia. You know that feeling that is the diametric opposite of regret? That’s how I felt about turning off this movie after 15 minutes. I guess if you are specifically looking for a cult classic, and by that I mean a movie that isn’t good but is really weird and for some reason appeals to people who enjoy dystopian punk sci-fi movies, you can watch this movie. But for regular people, this movie is Unwatchable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repo_Man_(film)

Update: Tom and Thomas strongly disagree.



Elizabethtown by Thomas
September 14, 2014, 11:26 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Cameron Crowe made a string of charming Hollywood romances that I enjoy: specifically, Say Anything, Jerry Maguire, and Almost Famous.  With these movies, Crowe displayed a classic storytelling sensibility, a real joy for pop music/pop culture, and an ear for memorably off-beat dialogue — a bit like a later day John Hughes.

But all of those elements failed in Elizabethtown, a kind of unintentional farce about a jaded city guy meeting a bubbly country gal whilst he plans his dad’s funeral.  The movie is not aided by its rambling plot, unfunny jokes, confused supporting actors, or the perpetually blank smiles of Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst as they pantomime liking each other.  I hate this movie.  Unwatchable.

Elizabethtown_poster

Elizabethtown



Who is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? by tincolor
September 6, 2014, 7:37 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,

Robert Morley is a morbidly obese food critic who is also a total a-hole. Now all of his favorite cooks are getting bumped off one by one. This film is a classic case of, “great title, shitty film.” I got maybe 40 minutes into it before I turned it off, read the plot summary on Wikipedia to see who this killer is and promptly went to bed. There are so many sins that this movie commits, but I’ll just list the top three: 1) All the characters are unlikeable, 2) It takes too long to get to the first murder, and 3) It’s just not interesting or funny or anything that would make me want to keep watching it. Unwatchable.

Who_Is_Killing_the_Great_Chefs_of_Europe-_film_poster

 



The Cable Guy by William
August 25, 2014, 3:57 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Jim Carrey is an unfunny and annoying cartoon character who ruins Matthew Broderick’s life. Maybe, just maybe, if you really love black comedy, you will like this movie. Barely watchable, minus.

TheCableGuy.jpg



Cold Fish / 冷たい熱帯魚 by tincolor
August 1, 2014, 1:58 am
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Mitsuru Fukikoshi is married to a horrible woman who has a horrible daughter by a previous marriage and together the three live horribly miserable lives running a tropical fish store in Japan. When the Fukikoshis meet a seemingly happy couple that coincidentally also runs a much larger and more successful tropical fish store, things start to look up, until you realize that everything and everyone is horrible and evil and disgusting inside. This is not a horror movie it’s just a horrible movie made by horrible people that take delight in mutilating the human body and spreading mistrust among their fellow man. Can you tell I hate this movie? Terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE, direction, a plot that is so hateful I wish I could forget it and acting that is worse than even the worst high school play. No rating could possibly describe how hateful and awful this movie is.

220px-Cold_fish




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