Pinhole Movie Reviews

Repo Man (1984) by William
September 12, 2015, 11:19 pm
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Emilio Estevez is a repo man living in 80’s punk dystopia. So, I watched 15 minutes of this movie, then turned it off and read the summary on Wikipedia. You know that feeling that is the diametric opposite of regret? That’s how I felt about turning off this movie after 15 minutes. I guess if you are specifically looking for a cult classic, and by that I mean a movie that isn’t good but is really weird and for some reason appeals to people who enjoy dystopian punk sci-fi movies, you can watch this movie. But for regular people, this movie is Unwatchable.

Update: Tom and Thomas strongly disagree.


Elizabethtown by Thomas
September 14, 2014, 11:26 pm
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Cameron Crowe made a string of charming Hollywood romances that I enjoy: specifically, Say Anything, Jerry Maguire, and Almost Famous.  With these movies, Crowe displayed a classic storytelling sensibility, a real joy for pop music/pop culture, and an ear for memorably off-beat dialogue — a bit like a later day John Hughes.

But all of those elements failed in Elizabethtown, a kind of unintentional farce about a jaded city guy meeting a bubbly country gal whilst he plans his dad’s funeral.  The movie is not aided by its rambling plot, unfunny jokes, confused supporting actors, or the perpetually blank smiles of Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst as they pantomime liking each other.  I hate this movie.  Unwatchable.



Who is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? by tincolor
September 6, 2014, 7:37 am
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Robert Morley is a morbidly obese food critic who is also a total a-hole. Now all of his favorite cooks are getting bumped off one by one. This film is a classic case of, “great title, shitty film.” I got maybe 40 minutes into it before I turned it off, read the plot summary on Wikipedia to see who this killer is and promptly went to bed. There are so many sins that this movie commits, but I’ll just list the top three: 1) All the characters are unlikeable, 2) It takes too long to get to the first murder, and 3) It’s just not interesting or funny or anything that would make me want to keep watching it. Unwatchable.



The Cable Guy by William
August 25, 2014, 3:57 am
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Jim Carrey is an unfunny and annoying cartoon character who ruins Matthew Broderick’s life. Maybe, just maybe, if you really love black comedy, you will like this movie. Barely watchable, minus.


Cold Fish / 冷たい熱帯魚 by tincolor
August 1, 2014, 1:58 am
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Mitsuru Fukikoshi is married to a horrible woman who has a horrible daughter by a previous marriage and together the three live horribly miserable lives running a tropical fish store in Japan. When the Fukikoshis meet a seemingly happy couple that coincidentally also runs a much larger and more successful tropical fish store, things start to look up, until you realize that everything and everyone is horrible and evil and disgusting inside. This is not a horror movie it’s just a horrible movie made by horrible people that take delight in mutilating the human body and spreading mistrust among their fellow man. Can you tell I hate this movie? Terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE, direction, a plot that is so hateful I wish I could forget it and acting that is worse than even the worst high school play. No rating could possibly describe how hateful and awful this movie is.


Burn After Reading by William
July 19, 2014, 4:17 pm
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CIA analyst John Malkovich’s classified files are discovered by dim-witted fitness studio employees Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, who soon hatch a plan to profit from their find. Then everything probably goes wrong, but I wouldn’t know because I stopped watching the movie.

You know what? I’ve decided it is okay to not like this kind of movie. I didn’t like Fargo, and I didn’t like the 40 minutes I watched of Burn After Reading, either. The Coen brothers specialize in making black comedies in which people are horrible to each other and plans go awry. I don’t like it. It upsets me and makes me nervous. Unwatchable. But hey, if you liked Fargo, go ahead and watch this movie. I won’t stop you.

Burn After Reading.jpg

We Need to Talk About Kevin by William
June 9, 2014, 4:58 pm
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No we don’t. Unwatchable!

We need to talk about kevin ver2.jpg

PS. Tom disagrees. Myself, I watched 45 minutes and it was too many.

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